What to do about this relationship? Need help!?
Ive been with this guy for almost 3 years. We have had normal fights because we have annoyed eachother and just over financial/family matters. But most bills (rent, water, electric, 3 credit cards, 2 semesters of student loans, and a joint account on a motorcycle) are in my name, and my credit is fixing to be ruined because I lost my job 2 months ago(it was a large company in our small town, and since then everyone of those people are trying to find jobs including school/college kids who are now out of school..so it is making it hard for me to find one). The nearest town is 40 minutes away (that may have jobs) but my car is 10 years old and unable to drive over 55mph on the interstate. Now we are getting into a lot of fights and its getting extremely worse. He is wanting to break up with me and saying I dont love him or I would have a job. He says he is moving out and stuff..but Im afraid of being alone. I know I cant pay for all of these things alone. He helped me get these bills Well...he isnt a leech, he hasnt not worked the entire time we've been together..and he always makes more than me and pays a good majority of the bills since my paychecks are smaller. There was a time last year when I was jobless for about 3 months, but he didnt mind and said I could be his "housewife". I know he cares about me... but I feel like I wouldnt be able to survive without his help now. I dont see how I could possibly afford all these bills on my own...and we live in a one-bedroom apartment, so it would be weird with a roomate. I cant necessarily move out because I sign a yrly lease and its not up til december. Its making me so depressed that Im not motivated anymore... Ive been trying for a job and I cant find anything.... it makes me want to give up especially with him nagging at me all the time. I know we are financially screwed right now, but we are both depressed and its like nowhere is hiring! He says he is depressed cause he is working and has no money to even eat sometimes... and we cant pay bills.... but Ive applied at a lot of places and noone seems to be hiring... and we are just going deeper in the hole. So he doesnt believe me that I cant find a job and says Im lazy and he is getting too depressed and going to leave me. I really dont want ot get rid of my car... it is paid off and is fully in my name. Its runs good, it just cant go fast because something in the front (sway bar/bushing/seal, etc) is messed up. I mean, the motorcycle still has $7200 left on it... and I cant drive it (it was mainly a gift for him).
Public Comments
- ouch, that man sounds like he aint helpin out - if i was in your shoes id buckle down and get a job - drop him off an say laters sort your stuff out an realise you dont need anyone - but thats me ... i guess hard to say.
- Sorry to say but the dude sounds like a leech. He should also be contributing to everything not only you. But it does sound like your in trouble because everything is under your name and if you two break up theres really nothing you could do about getting money from him. And its bullshit and obviously he doesn't care about you as much as you think just from what he said "He is wanting to break up with me and saying I dont love him or I would have a job".
- first off, not having a job isn't your fault. the economy's in recession right now, so there are many others around the country that are dealing with the same problem of employment. if he's laying that type of burden on you, it may be best for you to leave him alone. since he is threatening to move out, look into finding a roommate. if all else fails, just have a yard sale, maybe sell the car to the junk yard, and look into finding work and maybe live in a shelter until something comes thru (forgive me if it seems too harsh)
- If after almost 3years he's willing to leave b/c you don't have a job, it sounds like an excuse to get out of the relationship. If you wanna stay with him b/c of the money issue, a roommate would be more dependable and maybe more understandable. If he really loves you, he would stand by you no matter what. You should get him to pay the remaining bill for this month, or make payment arrangements. Make plans to move in with a family member until you get your life together. Unless you guys can sit down and try to resolve your problems by being undestanding and supportive towards each other.
- It looks to me like you both need to grow up a little and look at the bigger picture. For the most part you are trying to make things work but with the added stress (no income, bills piling up, family pressure) you don't know how to deal with it and it becomes a fight. If you and your boyfriend would pull resources and downsize your lifestyle in order to get caught up financially then some of the stress would ease up. Here is an idea, since your car is old and it does you no good at this point, sell it and with the money you get on it pay off some of the major bills like rent, water, electric/gas, as well as insurance and put the rest into a savings account. Next use your internet to apply for work instead of driving to the next town. If you ended up getting hired in that town, then ask if that company has a commuter program or a car pool since you do not have a car. In the meantime, you can use the motorcycle for transportation until you are able to afford another vehicle. Another option, is credit counseling. Go to your bank and ask if they have a program to help consolidate your payments. These types of programs can communicate with the creditors on your behalf and the interest rate most often is reduced when they step in. You end up paying a lump payment once a month or however often you can (you'll arrange that with them) and they will dispurse the payment to the appropriate creditor. I hope this helps. Please look at the attached websites. I think the first one will be your best bet, but check them all out and see what would work best for you. Best of luck to you both.
- Hey, Girl I feel your pain. It's really hard out here and your not alone. Know this!!! First of all pick your head up and never forget that you are never alone as long as you have GOD!!! I don't know if you go to church and that's okay but God made you and he looks out for you. As far as the job goes that wasn't your fault you can only do what you can do. Since your car does work to well. Try and get a few jobs in your local area if you have to work more then one to pay the main bills you have to do what you have to do. And as far as the credit don't sweat it!!! And I don't say this to say that credit isn't important but first and foremost you need a roof over your head and heat, lights, phone, water and food. These things are very important!!! They are a must!!! I hope you don't have any little ones to take care of but if you do you will do just fine. And if you need to apply for Unemployment Benifits and Social Services do so to make it. And if you think you may not get it just try you never know until you try and maybe they can help with a job. A girls got to do what she's got to do!!! Everybody else goes there for help!!! And as far as your man if he wants to leave don't sweat his ass either. You can do bad by yourself. He's less then a man to be acting like that with you at a time like this!!! I don't know how much you have done for him and help him out but I am pretty should that you have. But don't even trip off of that you have bigger fish to fry at this time. And if you have to get somethings cut off in the house until you can do better. Who's going to know but you??? (That's if you don't have a bunch of people in your space) That's not including family and friends they don't count. LOL And if he leaves try and find a family member or friend to move in and help with the bills if you can. I don't know you but I have been there and done that. You will get through this. Just don't spend too much time thinking about his dump ass!! Get yourself together. And I know it will hurt and you will cry etc... but it will past in due time. And also see if there are any buses or people who drove back and forth if you do get a job in the other town. You never know. Might luck up and find a carpool. Just things I am thinking of to help you to focus. When God closes one door he always opens another. And most of the time it's better then the one before that was open!!! I know you maybe saying to yourself dame how can this be that she understand my pain well I just know these things from past experiences. Life is hard but let this be a lesson to take care of you first in foremost. I will be praying for you my sista. Keep your head up and stay focus and pray!!
* Some answers may have been provided by Yahoo! Answers.